This is so beautiful. That dissociative part of your spirit did what it needed to, to save your life all those years ago. It must be exhausted after being so vigilant for so long. What a relief it will be for it to stand down and rest, because you can take care of you now.
I totally understand the disassociation. I would completely leave my body. It was my own father and started when I was 3 years old. My mother told me she couldn’t understand what I was saying, she glared at me, then turned her back to me.
When she got a divorce (because she had a married lover), after I graduated from high school, I told her again. She told me not to tell my younger brother because “He’s sensitive and it would hurt him.”
I can’t imagine what it would feel like to feel safe and loved. I wish the absolute best for you. You deserve it. Take care , and be gentle on yourself. ❤️
You're an amazing writer...the dread, the fear is immensely relatable. Change is so hard when you live in a perpetual state of anxiety. It feels like protection to anticipate every move (so one can protect their loves and themselves, from all perceived dangers)...when, in reality, it sabotages everything we try so desperately to hold on to. Medication has been a God send for me as well. I know it's not the answer for everyone but feeling calm on the right medication was the first time I realized what normal must feel like. Thank you for giving us the Hope and the "Real" in everything you share ♡
I don't know what to say, MK. I am so sorry this happened to you and I am glad to see you, living, breathing, being you. I can only pray that God will help you heal as He has helped me and knowing you what little I do, I love you. We are similar in some ways. My parents were detached in every way they could have been and we moved a lot. Fourteen cities in 18 years. No support system at home and no support system elsewhere either, I gravitated to anyone who would show me love or like or whatever it was. Married four times, divorced three, look my kids with me when marriage became unbearable because I refused to leave them behind. My adult kids are thriving and raising their own kids and it's been a beautiful thing watching chains and cycles break. Almost 16 years unto my fourth marriage, I can attest to this one thing: Trust God, take care of yourself, take care of those precious kids and the rest will sort itself out in time. You are loved and we are here. Grace and peace!
God kept me safe when I asked for an Angel to stand guard over me. He sent a very tall one. God never leaves us and yes His arms have held me tight in bed when I lost it. He can hold you too. Just ask Him💔💕🙏
I started writing a comment on your Facebook link but it redirected me to my substack account and lost my train of thought. Anyway I’m so very thankful for your writing this. I find myself now at the age of 73 returning periodically to that dissociative manner and couldn’t put my finger on the why
UNTIL READING THIS💜
Many of us feel forgotten in our senior years and find that the only time we hear from the majority of our acquaintances is when they need or want something.
Bless you MK you are indeed a kindred spirit !💜
The part I saved when they asked me to write something about myself .
Wandering through the wilderness of aging gracefully with a hitch in my giddyup and a spirit that often desires to hide away from the masses and possessing an uncanny ability to travel through my mind using movies or books or my writings especially.
MK, what a profound piece of soul-baring writing. My heart aches for traumatized and abused MK and rejoices at the small steps you have taken to realize only you can truly love and keep yourself safe. Good work, my friend. Hugs...
Thank you for writing this. It’s a mirror of so many of our lives. It gets easier and so much better. Saving yourself is hard work but so worth it. Please keep sharing your gift. Your laughter is contagious and your tenacity is admirable .❤️❤️❤️
It is amazing how many times in life we find ourselves in deep water. Friends help so much to let us see ourselves thru their eyes of love. Since I only know you virtually I felt more like a voyeur peeking at what was not my business. It is a rare courage to share your story without hearing the other persons right back. It made me ponder how many people would just love you or me or anyone to pieces, but dang it we'll just never meet. Your life it letting you find your own safe harbor in you,,,,,,,but sure is nice having friends help us row there. We readers are like that scriptural great cloud of witnesses cheering for you dear heart......you are loved, cherished, and enough and we're pulling for you and praying for you hacking your way thru your jungle.
Holy crap. I just read my story. And I understand it so much more after reading this. THANK YOU. My parents also moved me to Dothan and I am now in Rocket City 🙌
This is so beautiful. That dissociative part of your spirit did what it needed to, to save your life all those years ago. It must be exhausted after being so vigilant for so long. What a relief it will be for it to stand down and rest, because you can take care of you now.
I totally understand the disassociation. I would completely leave my body. It was my own father and started when I was 3 years old. My mother told me she couldn’t understand what I was saying, she glared at me, then turned her back to me.
When she got a divorce (because she had a married lover), after I graduated from high school, I told her again. She told me not to tell my younger brother because “He’s sensitive and it would hurt him.”
I can’t imagine what it would feel like to feel safe and loved. I wish the absolute best for you. You deserve it. Take care , and be gentle on yourself. ❤️
You are on my heart and in my thoughts💜
You're an amazing writer...the dread, the fear is immensely relatable. Change is so hard when you live in a perpetual state of anxiety. It feels like protection to anticipate every move (so one can protect their loves and themselves, from all perceived dangers)...when, in reality, it sabotages everything we try so desperately to hold on to. Medication has been a God send for me as well. I know it's not the answer for everyone but feeling calm on the right medication was the first time I realized what normal must feel like. Thank you for giving us the Hope and the "Real" in everything you share ♡
I don't know what to say, MK. I am so sorry this happened to you and I am glad to see you, living, breathing, being you. I can only pray that God will help you heal as He has helped me and knowing you what little I do, I love you. We are similar in some ways. My parents were detached in every way they could have been and we moved a lot. Fourteen cities in 18 years. No support system at home and no support system elsewhere either, I gravitated to anyone who would show me love or like or whatever it was. Married four times, divorced three, look my kids with me when marriage became unbearable because I refused to leave them behind. My adult kids are thriving and raising their own kids and it's been a beautiful thing watching chains and cycles break. Almost 16 years unto my fourth marriage, I can attest to this one thing: Trust God, take care of yourself, take care of those precious kids and the rest will sort itself out in time. You are loved and we are here. Grace and peace!
God kept me safe when I asked for an Angel to stand guard over me. He sent a very tall one. God never leaves us and yes His arms have held me tight in bed when I lost it. He can hold you too. Just ask Him💔💕🙏
I started writing a comment on your Facebook link but it redirected me to my substack account and lost my train of thought. Anyway I’m so very thankful for your writing this. I find myself now at the age of 73 returning periodically to that dissociative manner and couldn’t put my finger on the why
UNTIL READING THIS💜
Many of us feel forgotten in our senior years and find that the only time we hear from the majority of our acquaintances is when they need or want something.
Bless you MK you are indeed a kindred spirit !💜
The part I saved when they asked me to write something about myself .
Wandering through the wilderness of aging gracefully with a hitch in my giddyup and a spirit that often desires to hide away from the masses and possessing an uncanny ability to travel through my mind using movies or books or my writings especially.
Anyway thank you.
Love you Mary Katherine💜
MK, what a profound piece of soul-baring writing. My heart aches for traumatized and abused MK and rejoices at the small steps you have taken to realize only you can truly love and keep yourself safe. Good work, my friend. Hugs...
Such an eloquent writer. I hope you can test now and take care of you and your babies. You've been through alot and you will prevail. Much love ❤️
You MUST take care of you first, then all will fall into place. It’s hard, but you can do it. I have confidence you can. Sending big love!
So glad you found your very own YOU ❤️🩹.
Thank you for writing this. It’s a mirror of so many of our lives. It gets easier and so much better. Saving yourself is hard work but so worth it. Please keep sharing your gift. Your laughter is contagious and your tenacity is admirable .❤️❤️❤️
Wow. I don't know what else to say.
You can do this MK. You have the intelligence, the courage and the sense of humor to continue to heal and thrive. I’m rooting for you!❤️
It is amazing how many times in life we find ourselves in deep water. Friends help so much to let us see ourselves thru their eyes of love. Since I only know you virtually I felt more like a voyeur peeking at what was not my business. It is a rare courage to share your story without hearing the other persons right back. It made me ponder how many people would just love you or me or anyone to pieces, but dang it we'll just never meet. Your life it letting you find your own safe harbor in you,,,,,,,but sure is nice having friends help us row there. We readers are like that scriptural great cloud of witnesses cheering for you dear heart......you are loved, cherished, and enough and we're pulling for you and praying for you hacking your way thru your jungle.
Big hug MK, one day at a time 🩷🍀
Holy crap. I just read my story. And I understand it so much more after reading this. THANK YOU. My parents also moved me to Dothan and I am now in Rocket City 🙌