The Sin of Spiritual Certainty

Doubting Thomas got a really bad rap. The real sin is spiritual certainty.

I posted a picture on social media a little while back.

It was me, protesting in front of a court house, holding a poster that said:

JESUS CALLED, HE WANTS HIS RELIGION BACK.

And it ruffled more than a few feathers.

I was called a heretic. A wolf in sheep’s clothing. A false teacher. A Doubting Thomas.

And oddly enough, it was that last one that really stuck to my ribs. The others were so ridiculous and off-base that it was easy to brush them off.

But a Doubting Thomas?

It is hard to deny. Over the last few years, I’ve deconstructed so much of the Christianity I grew up with, and in this journey, arrived at a place where I have more questions than answers. My faith isn’t one that can be punctuated with periods or explanation points. On the contrary, this process has led me to believe that God is a fan of the question mark.

And with that understanding, I feel we should question this notion that doubt is sinful.

I can vividly recall a sermon from my childhood growing up in First Baptist Church. It was about THAT guy.

Doubting Thomas.

The one whose name was spit out like an insult.

The one who didn’t immediately believe.

I wondered…whatever happened to Thomas? Did Jesus reject him for doubting? Was this loyal disciple condemned? And if so…what did that say about me?

So, I went to the Bible for a little reading, and what I found?

Y’all, it brought me to tears.

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John 20: 24-29

Now Thomas (known also as the Twin), one of the Twelve, was not with the disciples when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord!” But he said to them, “Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.”

A week later his disciples were in the house again, and this time Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you!” Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.”

"Thomas said to him, “My Lord and my God!”

Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”

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Sweet, precious Thomas. His questioning made for quite a sermon on the beauty of blind-hearted faith. The thing is, if I had been sitting in pews of FBC Dothan, the sermon would have ended right there.

Believe.

Don’t ask questions. Don’t doubt.

Just, believe.

But for many of us, that will never be possible. God didn’t make us that way. Instead, He gifted us curious spirits and minds that seek truth and meaning. For years, I tried to suppress the doubt that made my spirit feel itchy. But there is no volume control for questions. They are relentless, insatiable things. Doubt only dies when it finds an answer.

But you know what I’ve come to believe?

Doubting Thomas got a really bad rap. The real sin is spiritual certainty.

Jesus had been crucified just days before, and Thomas was grief stricken and traumatized. All Thomas wanted was to see His rabbi—like all the other 11 disciples. He wasn’t dismissing the resurrection. He was protecting his heart from the incredible devastation of losing Jesus, again.

And the most beautiful thing, what we all need to remember, is how Jesus responded to Thomas.

He said, “Here are my wounds. See. Touch. Believe.”

He conquered every question.

Of course, Jesus added that those who believe without seeing are blessed—and I 100% agree. Must be nice to be those guys.

But right now, I have a Thomas heart. Jesus is my dearest, most precious friend. But I am hurting and I need to see Him, touch Him, for myself.

Deconstruction has never been a walking away from faith. It’s reaching toward Jesus. Through prayer and tears and reading and wrestling.

And I’m just waiting here, with my hand outstretched, reaching toward His wounds. Half anticipating and half terrified, but very much wanting it to be real.

On my best days, I’m a struggling Christian. On my worst, you might say I’m agnostic. I believe most days, and some days I don’t.

But deep down, I know what is happening.

I want to see my rabbi, again. I’m hurting and protecting my heart. Doubt doesn’t signify a lack of faith, but one that is thirsting for answers.

If you know a Doubting Thomas—or if, like me, you are one—take heart, my friend. It will be okay. God’s not afraid of our questions.

Jesus didn’t scold our friend Doubting Thomas, and He isn’t scolding us, either.