Thank you for writing this. I was recently explaining to some girlfriends how I stayed in an unhealthy relationship in college much longer than I should have because of purity culture. I had slept with the guy and believed I simply HAD to marry him because of what had been ingrained in me through my church as a young girl. I couldn’t talk to my parents about it either because then they would know I had broken my “pledge.”
Your words about purity culture so clearly say how I feel. Thank you!
So let me get this straight. You're blaming God and purity for being impure and having pre-marital relations with an abusive guy you probably met at a bar or a party? Did I get that right?
So let me get this straight. You're saying we absolutely should compare women to that rose, and judge them based on "purity?" And shame them for not adhering to strict, hypocritical gender roles that only apply to them? Did I get that right?
Since when did purity and righteousness (doing the right thing) become bad words? We all know what kind of people hate those words. What I'm saying is that we shouldn't disregard the value of those virtues. I've seen too many of our sisters give up on them, and it always looks the exact same way. Obese, dyed hair, nose rings, man hating, tattoos, unnatural sexual orientations, blaming the patriarchy, etc... I don't know about you, but those traditional values start looking really nice when compared with those non-traditional values.
As for gender roles that only apply to them, God will judge us all accordingly. So what if they want me to behave and they themselves won't? So what if I do it and they don't? Who does well and who does not, in God's eyes?
Sitting here ‘obese’ ✔️(if you believe BMI) nose ring ✔️ Traditional values, that depends what you believe traditional values are? Tattoos, not yet. Dyed Hair ✔️ unnatural sexual orientations ✔️ if you class having sex out of marriage (2 kids and a relationship of 32 years with the same guy. I’m sat here though wondering what on earth you’re talking about??
I AGREE......................Reading about Jesus' rescue mission to Samaria this morning. Met this woman drowning in sin at some well and His response was only ....."I know you. I can see your heart.....hang on sister I know you and you can do better." He rescued her and she raced into the village and just said "Come see for yourself" Yep our Saviour went out into deep waters of Samaria.....areas we avoid.....rescuing drowning people.....that's some Saviour!!
These are the saviors of the beach... They save people who are drowning. The drowning people don't get to choose their savior. Salvation is a work of the savior... NOT the victim!!!
Fundamental Christians believe the drowning victim must, WHILE DROWNING, Choose the right Savior, call him the right name, be sorry for getting in the water, promise never to swim again, etc....
A good Savior doesn't care about your wishes. He doesn't let ANYBODY DROWN, EVER.
I can so relate to your post. Guessing I might be older than most of your followers, but I thoroughly enjoy your posts and what you have to say. As another follower stated: "It just makes sense." I too consider myself a Christian but am somewhere between Evangelical and Mainstream. I decided long ago that Sex is definitely not the worst "sin" out there and it is most definitely natural! I was (and still am) much more concerned with my children (and now my grandchildren) being honest, trustworthy and responsible! To me those are concerns that greatly outweigh the physical. If someone can wait until marriage, great! But don't judge someone who hasn't/didn't. Christ loves them all the same. Thank you for your contributions!
I am truly grateful for your bravery to to expose a very vulnerable time in your life. Although my experience differs from yours I can relate. I was raised Methodist in a northern NJ small town. No purity culture overtly taught to us but, told to wait for marriage before sex. That did not work out for me. I got pregnant and married to the first man I had sexual relations with and thought that was how it should be. It ended in divorce because he was mentally abusive and threatened physical harm. Apparently, I never apologized to him for getting pregnant! I am 72 now and clearly still dealing with guilt and shame after all these years and am struggling with depression. I have been married to a good man for 35 years this June but he doesn’t know why I am having a hard time. It’s like PTSD and little things can trigger me to shutdown.
Your words are a comfort in a way to know my struggling is not unique and there are many others sharing their stories in this community. Thank you MK for bringing your thoughts into words. You are an inspiring writer and a wonderful caring person. God bless you with much love!❤️❤️❤️🙏🏻🙏🏻
Wow. I related whole-heartedly with this! I too was a part of "purity culture" and took the True Love Waits oath to stay "pure" until marriage, (promise ring and all!) Problem was, there was so much emphasis and value placed on purity, that when that was taken from me at the age of 18, my self- worth was so embedded in it, that it became shattered completely. I spent years numbing that pain and shame I experienced with all the wrong things, because I felt so worthless. Thankfully I was able to work through those issues, but you are so right about purity culture being so toxic. Thank you for sharing this. I never realized how absolutely absurd that whole culture was. I'm grateful for your perspective and for shining a light on this!
Thank you for your candid words and vulnerability. Your love for your children and our communities/society shines through. We need champions that stand up for what is kind and just and equitable and compassionate and graceFULL and loving. I too, was raised in a weirdly sexually suppressed faith community. I was taught that sex was to be saved for marriage but that was seemingly only taught to young girls not boys. While I was taught that I was betrothed (at 13) to the seminarian (Eastern Orthodox) who lived with us and visited my bedroom nightly for years all known by my parents. Don’t tell me that doesn’t mess with one’s sense of oneself, what is true, who to trust, and that child narrative doesn’t exist in America…I call it all BS! Anyhow, I am proud to know you, proud to have raised my son in a 2 mom household as someone who is kind and considerate. He is Compassionate, taught consent and (at least 2 forms of BC!), and respectful. He is almost 22 and I’m over the hill proud.
I have educated my daughter much the same way as you described regarding sex ... because I know in my heart & soul it is what I should be doing & it gives me peace
Though there are times I still get physically ill when thinking about that time in my life so many years ago .. and still feel twinges of guilt & shame for no longer following those rules & not teaching my daughter to do so
You raise some very interesting and valid points Mk. I ALWAYS love your lives on fb and really enjoy your point of view so much makes sense and brings to light often the things we think but don't voice as Christians... I enjoyed this article... It was like... Wow.. that's actually so true...
Failure is supposed to feel bad. It drives us to strive for excellence.
Failing is one thing. But failing, refusing to admit failure, demanding the goalposts be moved, teaching your children and the entire English speaking world that your rules are an improved version of those laid out by God and Jesus Christ, tried and trued over thousands of years by countless nation builders, prophets, and elders... I mean, if you can do that then exactly what sin wont you commit? The word inveterate comes to mind. The very same mentality champions the LGBT community as well as the child sex-trafficking and rape epidemic that's plaguing our world. The very same rationale has opened the floodgates to communism, cartels and fentanyl, and every other insane thing going on in the world today. Each one moved the goal posts just a bit more than the last until here we are.
"Whosoever therefore shall break one of these least commandments, and shall teach men so, he shall be called the least in the kingdom of heaven: but whosoever shall do and teach them, the same shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 5:19
MK,
Thank you for writing this. I was recently explaining to some girlfriends how I stayed in an unhealthy relationship in college much longer than I should have because of purity culture. I had slept with the guy and believed I simply HAD to marry him because of what had been ingrained in me through my church as a young girl. I couldn’t talk to my parents about it either because then they would know I had broken my “pledge.”
Your words about purity culture so clearly say how I feel. Thank you!
Gosh. I am so sorry, and unfortunately can relate to your experience. Thanks for sharing. And thanks so much for reading and supporting my words <3
I did the same .. thank you so much for sharing your story
So let me get this straight. You're blaming God and purity for being impure and having pre-marital relations with an abusive guy you probably met at a bar or a party? Did I get that right?
So let me get this straight. You're saying we absolutely should compare women to that rose, and judge them based on "purity?" And shame them for not adhering to strict, hypocritical gender roles that only apply to them? Did I get that right?
Since when did purity and righteousness (doing the right thing) become bad words? We all know what kind of people hate those words. What I'm saying is that we shouldn't disregard the value of those virtues. I've seen too many of our sisters give up on them, and it always looks the exact same way. Obese, dyed hair, nose rings, man hating, tattoos, unnatural sexual orientations, blaming the patriarchy, etc... I don't know about you, but those traditional values start looking really nice when compared with those non-traditional values.
As for gender roles that only apply to them, God will judge us all accordingly. So what if they want me to behave and they themselves won't? So what if I do it and they don't? Who does well and who does not, in God's eyes?
Sitting here ‘obese’ ✔️(if you believe BMI) nose ring ✔️ Traditional values, that depends what you believe traditional values are? Tattoos, not yet. Dyed Hair ✔️ unnatural sexual orientations ✔️ if you class having sex out of marriage (2 kids and a relationship of 32 years with the same guy. I’m sat here though wondering what on earth you’re talking about??
I AGREE......................Reading about Jesus' rescue mission to Samaria this morning. Met this woman drowning in sin at some well and His response was only ....."I know you. I can see your heart.....hang on sister I know you and you can do better." He rescued her and she raced into the village and just said "Come see for yourself" Yep our Saviour went out into deep waters of Samaria.....areas we avoid.....rescuing drowning people.....that's some Saviour!!
These are the saviors of the beach... They save people who are drowning. The drowning people don't get to choose their savior. Salvation is a work of the savior... NOT the victim!!!
Fundamental Christians believe the drowning victim must, WHILE DROWNING, Choose the right Savior, call him the right name, be sorry for getting in the water, promise never to swim again, etc....
A good Savior doesn't care about your wishes. He doesn't let ANYBODY DROWN, EVER.
Thank you for sharing this beautiful thought. I look forward to hearing more from you!
I can so relate to your post. Guessing I might be older than most of your followers, but I thoroughly enjoy your posts and what you have to say. As another follower stated: "It just makes sense." I too consider myself a Christian but am somewhere between Evangelical and Mainstream. I decided long ago that Sex is definitely not the worst "sin" out there and it is most definitely natural! I was (and still am) much more concerned with my children (and now my grandchildren) being honest, trustworthy and responsible! To me those are concerns that greatly outweigh the physical. If someone can wait until marriage, great! But don't judge someone who hasn't/didn't. Christ loves them all the same. Thank you for your contributions!
I am truly grateful for your bravery to to expose a very vulnerable time in your life. Although my experience differs from yours I can relate. I was raised Methodist in a northern NJ small town. No purity culture overtly taught to us but, told to wait for marriage before sex. That did not work out for me. I got pregnant and married to the first man I had sexual relations with and thought that was how it should be. It ended in divorce because he was mentally abusive and threatened physical harm. Apparently, I never apologized to him for getting pregnant! I am 72 now and clearly still dealing with guilt and shame after all these years and am struggling with depression. I have been married to a good man for 35 years this June but he doesn’t know why I am having a hard time. It’s like PTSD and little things can trigger me to shutdown.
Your words are a comfort in a way to know my struggling is not unique and there are many others sharing their stories in this community. Thank you MK for bringing your thoughts into words. You are an inspiring writer and a wonderful caring person. God bless you with much love!❤️❤️❤️🙏🏻🙏🏻
You are never alone 💜
Wow. I related whole-heartedly with this! I too was a part of "purity culture" and took the True Love Waits oath to stay "pure" until marriage, (promise ring and all!) Problem was, there was so much emphasis and value placed on purity, that when that was taken from me at the age of 18, my self- worth was so embedded in it, that it became shattered completely. I spent years numbing that pain and shame I experienced with all the wrong things, because I felt so worthless. Thankfully I was able to work through those issues, but you are so right about purity culture being so toxic. Thank you for sharing this. I never realized how absolutely absurd that whole culture was. I'm grateful for your perspective and for shining a light on this!
Thank you for your candid words and vulnerability. Your love for your children and our communities/society shines through. We need champions that stand up for what is kind and just and equitable and compassionate and graceFULL and loving. I too, was raised in a weirdly sexually suppressed faith community. I was taught that sex was to be saved for marriage but that was seemingly only taught to young girls not boys. While I was taught that I was betrothed (at 13) to the seminarian (Eastern Orthodox) who lived with us and visited my bedroom nightly for years all known by my parents. Don’t tell me that doesn’t mess with one’s sense of oneself, what is true, who to trust, and that child narrative doesn’t exist in America…I call it all BS! Anyhow, I am proud to know you, proud to have raised my son in a 2 mom household as someone who is kind and considerate. He is Compassionate, taught consent and (at least 2 forms of BC!), and respectful. He is almost 22 and I’m over the hill proud.
You are amazing! Thabk you MK!
I have educated my daughter much the same way as you described regarding sex ... because I know in my heart & soul it is what I should be doing & it gives me peace
Though there are times I still get physically ill when thinking about that time in my life so many years ago .. and still feel twinges of guilt & shame for no longer following those rules & not teaching my daughter to do so
Thank you for sharing your story
I agree. Some say they are Christians but my bets are God might think otherwise but that's up to him.
You make a great point ❤️
You raise some very interesting and valid points Mk. I ALWAYS love your lives on fb and really enjoy your point of view so much makes sense and brings to light often the things we think but don't voice as Christians... I enjoyed this article... It was like... Wow.. that's actually so true...
Thank you Mk
Much love
Celeste 💜
Gosh, thank you so much. It means a lot to find solidarity through these stories.
But this message does teach anyone how to serve God acceptably.
I LOVE your take on good Christian values!
Failure is supposed to feel bad. It drives us to strive for excellence.
Failing is one thing. But failing, refusing to admit failure, demanding the goalposts be moved, teaching your children and the entire English speaking world that your rules are an improved version of those laid out by God and Jesus Christ, tried and trued over thousands of years by countless nation builders, prophets, and elders... I mean, if you can do that then exactly what sin wont you commit? The word inveterate comes to mind. The very same mentality champions the LGBT community as well as the child sex-trafficking and rape epidemic that's plaguing our world. The very same rationale has opened the floodgates to communism, cartels and fentanyl, and every other insane thing going on in the world today. Each one moved the goal posts just a bit more than the last until here we are.
"Whosoever therefore shall break one of these least commandments, and shall teach men so, he shall be called the least in the kingdom of heaven: but whosoever shall do and teach them, the same shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 5:19
If i had to choose between teaching my children out of the Bible, or what ever makes me feel better instead, I will stick to the Bible.
I appreciate and agree with your point of view in regards to the purity culture. It sends a very confusing message.
All of this👀...speaks to 🙋♀️❤️🤩😍🙏🇨🇦🇨🇦🇨🇦🤷♀️🤗🤗🤗‼️
You are a freaking rockstar! This post is so true and one that needed to be written.