Oh, MK. I am so sorry this happened. Please give yourself some grace tonight. As a childhood abuse survivor, your body and brain can get stuck in flight/fight/freeze mode. Your entire brain was preoccupied with trying to figure out if you should fight, flee, or freeze. It was incapable of rational thought and plans of action. You were physically unable to do anything in that moment. I know your heart is telling you something different, but please know that you did not fail that boy tonight. His father failed him by choosing violence and abuse. I know you would’ve stepped in if you were physically capable to do so, but you were not. Please give yourself some grace and practice some self-care tonight. I am praying for you, Holland, and that sweet boy. Sending hugs and prayers for peace.
I'm sorry that you feel as if you failed that little boy. You didn't. That story triggered me as well. I was not only spanked, my mother used electric cords on me when I was wet. I have suffered abuse in my childhood and in my first marriage. I was conditioned to react in a meek manner. After I left my first husband, I met my now second husband, he had no idea what I had been through as I just wanted to pretend it didn't happen. I recall an incident shortly after we started dating. We were having a discussion about something, I don't even remember what it was, but it was getting dark and we had a ceiling fan with a light. When he reached up to turn on the light, I instinctively ducked, thinking he was going to hit me. He froze and looked at me as if he had seen a ghost. I immediately started crying and he took my hand and sat down with me on his lap. He encouraged me to tell him what happened in my previous marriage. I opened up and told him everything. After it was all out, he held me while I cried. After that, it was easier to tell my story. But after awhile, I lost my fear and started standing up to any abusers I encountered. I have put myself in between fighting partners. I became a protector of women and children. So don't beat yourself up, you were in no condition to confront that bastard. Big hugs for wanting to.
Thank you for your anger. We need that in the world.
When I was in high school I worked as a cashier at a grocery store (over 30 years ago). A woman with a toddler in her cart came to check out. The way things were set up back then to make it easy for the cashier to reach into the cart made the cart very close to the register. (The cashier lifted groceries onto the counter back then. No conveyor belts. Anyway, the toddler reached for the keys of the cash register as a naturally curious child would do and as many kiddos did. I never minded and they couldn't really do any harm. The woman yelled at the child "don't touch that or that lady will hit you". I was shocked and I don't even remember what I said. I've always thought that had I been older I would have launched into a compassionate but assertive monologue about not hitting children and at least say that I myself would never hit anyone, much less a child that is expressing normal curiosity. I assumed if she was telling the child that I would hit him that she probably did at home. I did, however, in an airport one time, write a note to a child whose adult was berating them for being a bad girl. When the adult wasn't looking, I held up a piece of paper that said "I am sorry. You are not bad." Not sure if that was the best thing to say, but it's what I could come up with in the moment. I didn't have what it would take to speak to the parent I didn't see her face change from reading my note and she didn't make eye contact with me, but maybe she was able to take in a drop of compassion. I will never know.
I guess my point is to keep the eyes of your heart open to see what your love for others can do and then follow your heart......there is a way to approach most situations REDEMPTIVELY but sometimes that is so difficult and the person is such a jackass all you can do is aim an arrow in love, of course lol, and LOUDLY!!!.....sure there may be other bearings at home ...but that is one less. b
Oh, MK. I am so sorry this happened. Please give yourself some grace tonight. As a childhood abuse survivor, your body and brain can get stuck in flight/fight/freeze mode. Your entire brain was preoccupied with trying to figure out if you should fight, flee, or freeze. It was incapable of rational thought and plans of action. You were physically unable to do anything in that moment. I know your heart is telling you something different, but please know that you did not fail that boy tonight. His father failed him by choosing violence and abuse. I know you would’ve stepped in if you were physically capable to do so, but you were not. Please give yourself some grace and practice some self-care tonight. I am praying for you, Holland, and that sweet boy. Sending hugs and prayers for peace.
big hugs to you... unfortunately you may get a second chance to say something...
I'm sorry that you feel as if you failed that little boy. You didn't. That story triggered me as well. I was not only spanked, my mother used electric cords on me when I was wet. I have suffered abuse in my childhood and in my first marriage. I was conditioned to react in a meek manner. After I left my first husband, I met my now second husband, he had no idea what I had been through as I just wanted to pretend it didn't happen. I recall an incident shortly after we started dating. We were having a discussion about something, I don't even remember what it was, but it was getting dark and we had a ceiling fan with a light. When he reached up to turn on the light, I instinctively ducked, thinking he was going to hit me. He froze and looked at me as if he had seen a ghost. I immediately started crying and he took my hand and sat down with me on his lap. He encouraged me to tell him what happened in my previous marriage. I opened up and told him everything. After it was all out, he held me while I cried. After that, it was easier to tell my story. But after awhile, I lost my fear and started standing up to any abusers I encountered. I have put myself in between fighting partners. I became a protector of women and children. So don't beat yourself up, you were in no condition to confront that bastard. Big hugs for wanting to.
Thank you for your anger. We need that in the world.
When I was in high school I worked as a cashier at a grocery store (over 30 years ago). A woman with a toddler in her cart came to check out. The way things were set up back then to make it easy for the cashier to reach into the cart made the cart very close to the register. (The cashier lifted groceries onto the counter back then. No conveyor belts. Anyway, the toddler reached for the keys of the cash register as a naturally curious child would do and as many kiddos did. I never minded and they couldn't really do any harm. The woman yelled at the child "don't touch that or that lady will hit you". I was shocked and I don't even remember what I said. I've always thought that had I been older I would have launched into a compassionate but assertive monologue about not hitting children and at least say that I myself would never hit anyone, much less a child that is expressing normal curiosity. I assumed if she was telling the child that I would hit him that she probably did at home. I did, however, in an airport one time, write a note to a child whose adult was berating them for being a bad girl. When the adult wasn't looking, I held up a piece of paper that said "I am sorry. You are not bad." Not sure if that was the best thing to say, but it's what I could come up with in the moment. I didn't have what it would take to speak to the parent I didn't see her face change from reading my note and she didn't make eye contact with me, but maybe she was able to take in a drop of compassion. I will never know.
wrote for you today Mary....................
Love went down
to the GOODWILL STORE
Saw a lady, there.
She had 4 little children
All with messy-hair
She worriedly searched
through children's clothes
And when she turned to look
LOVE dropped a hundred dollar bill
In her open pocket-book!
LOVE kept watch across the store
To watch her big surprise
Shock and awe nearly made her faint
And tears fell from her eyes
Making little miracles
Is left to me and you
Listen closely to your heart
And watch what LOVE CAN DO!!!
I guess my point is to keep the eyes of your heart open to see what your love for others can do and then follow your heart......there is a way to approach most situations REDEMPTIVELY but sometimes that is so difficult and the person is such a jackass all you can do is aim an arrow in love, of course lol, and LOUDLY!!!.....sure there may be other bearings at home ...but that is one less. b