I used to hate Mother’s Day. My mother left me at seven with the care of a one year old brother.
And, a violent criminally insane father.
She was abused by him, but never thought he’d abuse me.
I was able to get away at twelve, by calling social services, and asking for another place to live.
I ended up in a Catholic Girl’s institutional home, with the Daughters of Charity. That saved my life.
I was able to find my mother 20 years later, and we enjoyed the time left (about 20 years)before she died. She lived in a different state, so we only saw each other twice during that time.
I reassured her that I didn’t hold her responsible for leaving us. She was just trying to survive.
I was determined to be a good mother to my 2 sons.
It’s paid off with them becoming wonderful fathers and husbands.
Sandy, I am in awe of your grace and tenacity and strength. You overcame so much and certainly broke a pattern of generational trauma. May more joy find you and the family you grew so beautifully.
Thank you for this. I lost my first born 4 years ago. She is the baby who made me a mom. She lost her battle of depression and other demons to an overdose March 30, 2021, she was only 19- I mourn the lost of future milestone the most (her wedding, her children, her laugh). That first Mothers day was HARD, painful, lonely, and all the things! It is getting less hard as the years go on... but it is comforting to hear, not all mothers look forward to this day. I continue healing for my now 21 year old son and 15 year old daughter- they deserve better. To all the hurting moms out there-cheers to making it through another day!
Christine, I am so sorry for the loss of your child. I know my words (any words) won't suffice to offer support so I fumble now as I continue to write, so my apologies with all of it. What you shared about the understandable grief over the loss of your daughter and how you are persevering for your surviving loved ones, resonated so deeply with me. How grief and love can hold the same space seems paradoxical and fitting (somehow simultaneously). Again, my words fall so short. Please know I so appreciate you for sharing such tremendous vulnerability.
Thank you so much for this. Time and again, you bravely share profound vulnerability so beautifully (and I know that - the necessary access and dissociation from the hardesr parts - does not come without its own risks and pain). Your words help me peal back my shame as the child of deeply abusive parents, which (not surprisingly) set the blueprint for more abuse in other relationships.
Damn... These celebratory parent days are extra hard. They were before I had children for sure. But now, as a parent to two awesome tweens, these days are extra hard, even with all the therapy and boundaries and better choices in my life. While I have worked quite hard to be a very different parent than my own and my kids are so loved and supported, there is a solace there too, as it is hard for me to not revisit the traumatic past, as it was all I knew growing up. Even with all the parenting books and podcasts and memoirs, my early experiences are the first lessons I learned so dearly and woefully. Holding space for all of it is important but heavy on the heart, or at least mine. Thank you for being honest about the harder parts of being a mom, a parent, a person in this world.
MK, I just wanted to recommend a video (unrelated to the subject of Mother’s Day) by Adam Kinzinger on Substack - Conversation with Steve Bezner. It speaks about Adam’s own deconstruction of his faith and the direction of the Evangelical community. Steve Bezner is a pastor and wrote a book “Your Jesus is Too American”. He is also now a writer on Substack. I found the conversation very interesting, informative, and helpful in my own opinion about the Evangelical community and the importance of not lumping all of that church’s communities into one MAGA cult.
Your words are so true. And for me, especially the part about losing your mum. since I lost my own mum almost 11 years ago, it just hasn't been the same. We used to celebrate together, I'd buy her gifts, she would buy gifts for my kids to give me, and we'd go to lunch together. I celebrate it now for my children's sakes, because I want them to have the memories of mothers day that I had. But without your own mum it just hurts.
I expected nothing to happen on Mother’s Day when my son was small, because his father reminded me that I was not HIS mother.
Now my son is grown and has a daughter of his own, and while he may not celebrate me, I know he celebrates the mother of his child, and I just have to learn to live with that.
I’m seeing more moms share the hard part of motherhood and it’s refreshing. I hate that many of us deal with the hard but I’m glad we aren’t all like “everything is great”. Parenting is hard and moms are pulled in so many different directions and for many of us we put our stuff to the side to help our families. This weekend I’m at my daughter’s volleyball tournament 5 hours from home. I’ve told my family I’m celebrating next weekend with ME time.
I used to hate Mother’s Day. My mother left me at seven with the care of a one year old brother.
And, a violent criminally insane father.
She was abused by him, but never thought he’d abuse me.
I was able to get away at twelve, by calling social services, and asking for another place to live.
I ended up in a Catholic Girl’s institutional home, with the Daughters of Charity. That saved my life.
I was able to find my mother 20 years later, and we enjoyed the time left (about 20 years)before she died. She lived in a different state, so we only saw each other twice during that time.
I reassured her that I didn’t hold her responsible for leaving us. She was just trying to survive.
I was determined to be a good mother to my 2 sons.
It’s paid off with them becoming wonderful fathers and husbands.
Thank you for sharing your heart. ❤️
Sandy, I am in awe of your grace and tenacity and strength. You overcame so much and certainly broke a pattern of generational trauma. May more joy find you and the family you grew so beautifully.
Thank you Elizabeth. I was determined to break that pattern, and I did.
Sandy you sharing is appreciated, I hope you have a beautiful Mother’s Day weekend. 💐
What happened to your 1 yr old brother?
He stayed with my dad until he was taken away by social services at 10. He was bipolar. and put in various institutions.
He wouldn’t take the meds because he said he felt like a zombie.
He ended his life at 39.
Thank you for this. I lost my first born 4 years ago. She is the baby who made me a mom. She lost her battle of depression and other demons to an overdose March 30, 2021, she was only 19- I mourn the lost of future milestone the most (her wedding, her children, her laugh). That first Mothers day was HARD, painful, lonely, and all the things! It is getting less hard as the years go on... but it is comforting to hear, not all mothers look forward to this day. I continue healing for my now 21 year old son and 15 year old daughter- they deserve better. To all the hurting moms out there-cheers to making it through another day!
Christine, I am so sorry for the loss of your child. I know my words (any words) won't suffice to offer support so I fumble now as I continue to write, so my apologies with all of it. What you shared about the understandable grief over the loss of your daughter and how you are persevering for your surviving loved ones, resonated so deeply with me. How grief and love can hold the same space seems paradoxical and fitting (somehow simultaneously). Again, my words fall so short. Please know I so appreciate you for sharing such tremendous vulnerability.
There are bits and pieces of this that resonate so deeply.
I kaleidescope through so many good and painful feelings as I read this.
What mother didn't have at least one really crappy Mother's Day?
Thank you so much for this. Time and again, you bravely share profound vulnerability so beautifully (and I know that - the necessary access and dissociation from the hardesr parts - does not come without its own risks and pain). Your words help me peal back my shame as the child of deeply abusive parents, which (not surprisingly) set the blueprint for more abuse in other relationships.
Damn... These celebratory parent days are extra hard. They were before I had children for sure. But now, as a parent to two awesome tweens, these days are extra hard, even with all the therapy and boundaries and better choices in my life. While I have worked quite hard to be a very different parent than my own and my kids are so loved and supported, there is a solace there too, as it is hard for me to not revisit the traumatic past, as it was all I knew growing up. Even with all the parenting books and podcasts and memoirs, my early experiences are the first lessons I learned so dearly and woefully. Holding space for all of it is important but heavy on the heart, or at least mine. Thank you for being honest about the harder parts of being a mom, a parent, a person in this world.
MK, I just wanted to recommend a video (unrelated to the subject of Mother’s Day) by Adam Kinzinger on Substack - Conversation with Steve Bezner. It speaks about Adam’s own deconstruction of his faith and the direction of the Evangelical community. Steve Bezner is a pastor and wrote a book “Your Jesus is Too American”. He is also now a writer on Substack. I found the conversation very interesting, informative, and helpful in my own opinion about the Evangelical community and the importance of not lumping all of that church’s communities into one MAGA cult.
Just a suggestion for an interesting read/listen.
Your words are so true. And for me, especially the part about losing your mum. since I lost my own mum almost 11 years ago, it just hasn't been the same. We used to celebrate together, I'd buy her gifts, she would buy gifts for my kids to give me, and we'd go to lunch together. I celebrate it now for my children's sakes, because I want them to have the memories of mothers day that I had. But without your own mum it just hurts.
I expected nothing to happen on Mother’s Day when my son was small, because his father reminded me that I was not HIS mother.
Now my son is grown and has a daughter of his own, and while he may not celebrate me, I know he celebrates the mother of his child, and I just have to learn to live with that.
I’m seeing more moms share the hard part of motherhood and it’s refreshing. I hate that many of us deal with the hard but I’m glad we aren’t all like “everything is great”. Parenting is hard and moms are pulled in so many different directions and for many of us we put our stuff to the side to help our families. This weekend I’m at my daughter’s volleyball tournament 5 hours from home. I’ve told my family I’m celebrating next weekend with ME time.