I’m coming up on the 5-year anniversary of my husband’s death, so I’ve been reflecting a lot on how I’m feeling and how I’ve changed. And yes, I’m well aware that death isn’t the same as divorce. But it’s all grief, isn’t it? And what has been lost isn’t just what was but what would have been. In any case, this is the best thing I’ve read about grief in a while and I’m sitting her sobbing because you can’t control how or when you feel. But how I’m doing (a concept I’d also never separated from how I’m feeling)? I’m doing fine. And that’s an OK place to be.
I haven’t been through divorce, but this really spoke to me! The feelings vs. doing bit, brilliant! And what an encouragement for a woman in mid life who is trying to invent her next chapter. I think I need to water my roots. And your mama, wow! I want to be that kind of mama to my kids.
Great article. Got me thinking of a recently divorced coworker, who is experiencing most of the darker emotions you have described. This article might be helpful.
Your mom is the mom I want to be when I “grow up!” Thank God for her, your therapist, the hard work you’re doing, your adorable kids…and for God Himself in your life! May your journey continue to be blessed.
This is lovely and very well stated, pertinent and useful in managing grief generally as well as specific to divorce. And your mom was really impressive!
Great read! Hit home a lot for me. Thank goodness for therapists! The best thing I learned was to allow the grief and not just try to push it down. There were days I needed to lay in bed with a coffee and endless stream of movies and order pizza for me and my kids. Lots of pizza nights in that first year… lots and lots of pizza! I’m 7 years divorced, never even dated again and am so incredibly fulfilled and happy. Took a very veeeeeery long time to get to that place and I don’t ever see myself with someone else, but that’s okay. I’ve learned everyone has their own journey. Thanks for a good read!
Literally sobbing, full tears streaming, reading this. I can feel it so viscerally. Though I did laugh out loud at the Debbie comment. Come on DEBORAH! 😆 Truly inspiring to see your honesty about what heartbreak, grief, depression, picking yourself back up are like. And of course wonderful to see you starting to thrive as your own wonderful person 💕
Thank you. Thank you for sharing your story and thank you for sharing your therapist’s view. This post really hits me in the gut and I know I am going to come back and read it several times. My divorce started about 1 month prior to your posting so I feel as though I have walked this path with you. I wish my mom was still alive to have helped me like this. Hug yours tight as she did real good. Your message about accepting your part of the divorce really resonated with me, even though mine cheated and left me for a woman 20 year younger. Your thoughts on that were so good and needed so thank you.
July 5th is my one year since leaving the man with whom I thought I would be spending the rest of my life. I left everything behind and have lived with some supportive family members and in 4 different states since, trying to find my next career position and place to live, starting from scratch again, again, at 58 years old. I guess I am a “Go big or Go home” kind of person. It doesn’t feel like a year has passed, I believe, because I have spent that time largely in flight or freeze mode from the trauma. I know when I do find my position, with benefits, I will be like a heat-seeking laser for a trauma-informed therapist. There is a lot to unpack! But I also know that I have spent that time working on healing my inner-world, reading, writing, watching webinars, and learning; and that I am not the same person I was a year ago, or even six months ago. Something has shifted and I no longer have the panic attacks I was waking up in the throes of. This article is absolutely what I needed to read and is being saved! I can relate completely. Thank you, MK. You are a balm for my soul.
Momma is a genius. And this article is right on the money.
I’m coming up on the 5-year anniversary of my husband’s death, so I’ve been reflecting a lot on how I’m feeling and how I’ve changed. And yes, I’m well aware that death isn’t the same as divorce. But it’s all grief, isn’t it? And what has been lost isn’t just what was but what would have been. In any case, this is the best thing I’ve read about grief in a while and I’m sitting her sobbing because you can’t control how or when you feel. But how I’m doing (a concept I’d also never separated from how I’m feeling)? I’m doing fine. And that’s an OK place to be.
I haven’t been through divorce, but this really spoke to me! The feelings vs. doing bit, brilliant! And what an encouragement for a woman in mid life who is trying to invent her next chapter. I think I need to water my roots. And your mama, wow! I want to be that kind of mama to my kids.
I am crying because I’m so proud of you, because your mom is brilliant and because, dear GOD, I feel you. What a gift you have, MK!
I love that your momma came and just did and said exactly what you needed. This article was amazing and a great reminder of “this too shall pass.”
Great article. Got me thinking of a recently divorced coworker, who is experiencing most of the darker emotions you have described. This article might be helpful.
Your mom is the mom I want to be when I “grow up!” Thank God for her, your therapist, the hard work you’re doing, your adorable kids…and for God Himself in your life! May your journey continue to be blessed.
This is lovely and very well stated, pertinent and useful in managing grief generally as well as specific to divorce. And your mom was really impressive!
Great read! Hit home a lot for me. Thank goodness for therapists! The best thing I learned was to allow the grief and not just try to push it down. There were days I needed to lay in bed with a coffee and endless stream of movies and order pizza for me and my kids. Lots of pizza nights in that first year… lots and lots of pizza! I’m 7 years divorced, never even dated again and am so incredibly fulfilled and happy. Took a very veeeeeery long time to get to that place and I don’t ever see myself with someone else, but that’s okay. I’ve learned everyone has their own journey. Thanks for a good read!
You have an awesome mama! Wishing you more healing with time.
MK, this is so profound and well-expressed. God bless Momma. Sing on!!!
This is so powerful. Thank you - for telling your story. For the hope this gives so many people.
Also, Mommas are the best ❤️
Your Mom is Awesome!
Literally sobbing, full tears streaming, reading this. I can feel it so viscerally. Though I did laugh out loud at the Debbie comment. Come on DEBORAH! 😆 Truly inspiring to see your honesty about what heartbreak, grief, depression, picking yourself back up are like. And of course wonderful to see you starting to thrive as your own wonderful person 💕
Thank you. Thank you for sharing your story and thank you for sharing your therapist’s view. This post really hits me in the gut and I know I am going to come back and read it several times. My divorce started about 1 month prior to your posting so I feel as though I have walked this path with you. I wish my mom was still alive to have helped me like this. Hug yours tight as she did real good. Your message about accepting your part of the divorce really resonated with me, even though mine cheated and left me for a woman 20 year younger. Your thoughts on that were so good and needed so thank you.
July 5th is my one year since leaving the man with whom I thought I would be spending the rest of my life. I left everything behind and have lived with some supportive family members and in 4 different states since, trying to find my next career position and place to live, starting from scratch again, again, at 58 years old. I guess I am a “Go big or Go home” kind of person. It doesn’t feel like a year has passed, I believe, because I have spent that time largely in flight or freeze mode from the trauma. I know when I do find my position, with benefits, I will be like a heat-seeking laser for a trauma-informed therapist. There is a lot to unpack! But I also know that I have spent that time working on healing my inner-world, reading, writing, watching webinars, and learning; and that I am not the same person I was a year ago, or even six months ago. Something has shifted and I no longer have the panic attacks I was waking up in the throes of. This article is absolutely what I needed to read and is being saved! I can relate completely. Thank you, MK. You are a balm for my soul.