My Political Beliefs Have Cost Me Relationships, and I Accept That.

The moment I held them accountable for hate, was the moment I became disposable.

I logged into Facebook this morning, and my timeline was a little depressing.

“On This Day” offered up memories of people I’d known forever, but who’d long since dropped out of my newsfeed (and life).

I clicked on the profile of a sorority sister, and that “content was no longer available”.

I checked in on a beloved uncle, but was prompted to “Add Friend”.

I know why these people disappeared from my life. And I know exactly when it started to happen. For decades, these relationships managed to survive our many political differences. Sure, we’d exchange barbs during primary season, and poke fun at one other’s candidates…but all of that changed in fall of 2016.

It was the beginning of a political pandemic that, unfortunately, has continued to spread like a plague.

The MAGA movement brought a level of nastiness that I could not (and still don’t) understand. Every time Trump opened his mouth, something awful fell out.

And every time, I would think to myself:

“This is the thing that will end this circus. Surely, this crosses the line.”

I cannot express how devastating it was when I realized: there is no line.

Those people I had loved and respected so long were acting like total strangers.

Angry strangers who were deeply offended by…something?

I couldn’t tell what.

I started to feel like I was losing my mind— were we all even on the same planet?

They said Trump was chosen by God, but he mocked a disabled reporter and spoke like a bully.

They said Trump was a Christian “family man”, but he cheated on all three of his wives.

They said Trump was doing the work of Jesus, but he bragged about sexually assaulting women.

“Grab ‘em by the pussy,” he said.

And he laughed about it. They all did.

As a survivor of sexual assault, I found all of this very hard to fathom. How could people who claim to love Jesus (and me) excuse this sort of behavior?

All this time, I was surrounded by folks who were harboring so much hate. The racism, nationalism, and every other nasty ism that Trump was trafficking in…they were okay with it.

And not just okay with it.

They cosigned. They elected the man.

I think that’s the day something broke in me. It’s certainly the day something changed.

I used to be a happy-go-lucky type online. Not a care in the world.

My Facebook page was that of a woman who could laugh her way out of anything. I was a cat video type, hugging strangers at gas stations.

I was always good for a laugh.

Now, that’s not to say my sense of humor is dead. I can assure you, that isn’t the case.

But these days, I have a hard time connecting with the levity that used to be key in the social media experience. It’s not from a lack of trying. It’s just hard to enjoy a light-hearted moment online when my newsfeed is perpetually on fire: misogynistic memes, transphobic legislation, to the umpteenth American mass shooting.

I’m wide awake…and it’s costing me relationships.

That part, I didn’t expect.

These were friends from the playground. Who attended my wedding. Who roller-skated at my middle school birthday party.

The moment I challenged the hate they were spewing was the moment I became disposable.

Believe me, I miss the days when politics didn’t dominate social media.

I miss the days when I didn’t feel rage or depression every time I checked the news.

I miss the days everything felt…lighter.

But then I think about my gay friends, my friends who are immigrants, my friends of color, my friends who are Muslim. I think about all of those friends, and I wonder if this timeline has ever felt “light” for them.

I have seen the evil our country is capable of, and I’m forever changed by that knowledge. When human rights are being dismantled, silence is worse than complicity.

Silence plus privilege is violence.

So, I will speak out about social injustice, and the danger of Christian Nationalism, and the hate Donald Trump promotes.

I will continue to raise my voice. And if doing so costs me some followers, subscribers, or lifelong relationships, well…

That’s sad.

But it’s something I have to accept.

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Dear readers,

Writing is my livelihood, and it means the world to me that you’re here. I will always keep my writing paywall free, because I don’t feel like there should be a barrier for receiving encouragement. But for those who choose the paid support option, thank you for keeping my lights on.

Not just in my little house, but inside my heart, as well.

Love,

Mary Katherine